Ava My Ray of sunshine

Ava Finn bounced into our world as a leap year baby in 2008. She was the smallest baby I had ever seen weighing only 5lbs 6 oz and was 10 days overdue! She was like a doll. Perfect. Mia was 3 and was being assessed for autism when Ava arrived. We also just bought our first house and had got the keys the day before Ava came. We were 22. Talk about pressure! All our friends were still out partying and working and we were on to baby no 2 and a mortgage!. Ava was a dream baby she slept all night from 6 weeks of age, she never cried, she was such a happy baby always smiling and Mia adored her. I found it tough with two children. It was hard going especially when you have one child with special needs. Daniel could literally only take two days off as he was so busy I'll never forget how tough it was and yet he would  come in and do every night feed, nappies, everything he could. We used to joke that Ava was so laid back that when you walked into a room Ava would not notice you  were there for at least ten minutes. I was delighted to have one laid back child after finding Mia so full on. As Ava got older though I felt my mothers instinct pull at me. Your gut is never wrong. Ava was so clumsy. She fell so much that  I went to the public health nurse nearly every month, as she got older her attention span was awful even her preschool picked me up on it. She got so hyper when playing that she would bounce off the walls literally and no matter how hard I tried I could not calm her down for at least an hour. She was so fidgety. She was a very emotional child. Super sensitive. I assumed with all that was going on with Mia. They were worried how she would cope in primary. I kept little notes as she got older and thought maybe in Primary school something surely would be noticed there? I wasn't wrong. Junior Infants hit her like a steam train. It totally threw her and her moods were unbelievable. I was struggling to help her, no amount of star charts, rewards, one on one time helped. In the February her teacher called me in to tell me they were worried about Ava and her attention, her anxiety with coping with school and her over all learning. When she said it I wanted to jump across to her and go Yes! someone else said it! Its not just at home! I'm not a bad mother! I had massive guilt over how much time Mia was taking up. Then I climbed in my car and cried. For Ava as she seemed so frustrated and was so young.  Senior Infants  then came and the same thing again more meetings. I could not sit by and leave my daughter to feel that way so I  rang the HSE. She went on the waiting list to be assessed for Attention deficit Disorder but the waiting list was at least 3-4 years. Years wasted. So we saved up to go private and just like Mia's appointment before we went in we said to each other, 'Ava is Ava. Our ray of sunshine. The same child she was before this appointment'.  We took a deep breath and headed in. I knew Ava was going to be diagnosed with ADHD, and a anxiety disorder. I felt relieved. Then like Mia's, I felt anger at why my children, then grief for the lives they were 'meant' to have but wont and finally and most important acceptance. Acceptance is everything. Without it you cant truly help your child, your family or each other. Ava was able to access resource in school with her diagnosis hence why we didn't wait around she needed help. Its our job to help her.  We researched Adhd and learnt new ways to communicate with her. slow down our demands. Positive Reinforcement Works. We have had to try a lot of things. Ava is the most sweetest, kindhearted, craziest, girly girl. She is my ray of sunshine on my hard days. She has a love for her sister and brother that melts my heart. I'm in awe of her most days.  My children all have a bond like no other. They accept each other for who they are because we accepted them the minute they were placed in our arms. Way before they were ever diagnosed. Their conditions are one part of their lives. They have grown up knowing about their conditions ever since they were young. Our house is their 'normal'.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

update on the aspergers journey

my plan was to write in this blog weekly about our progress with Mia and the fight for services for her. that hasnt really happened its been a hectic few weeks. although saying that its always hectic. we never really get to be relaxed except for maybe the hour or two once all three munchkins are in bed! we finally got to meet the psychiatirst which Mia has been waiting years to see. he agreed Mia s behaviour and condition is extremely challenging for us but ruled out meds for the time being. we were quite relieved about that. i couldnt get my mind or my heart around medication for my little 8yr old. it just didnt seem the right time. i felt like we had to explore every other avenue before having that conversation. we had agreed the night before the psychiatrist app that we would stick together and be very firm that meds was a no-no. we wanted services not a quick fix. i have friends who's kids are on meds and each to their own. i respect their choice they have their own reasons but...
Read more

Being a good mom is good enough

as a mother I am always wondering am I good enough, Am I doing a good enough job. I climb into bed every night and I always turn  to my husband and say "I feel bad for saying so and so to Mia, Ava and Jack today and I'll try again tomorro". That mindset has always been there. He says I always pick out the negative thing I did and I could have done lots of positive things that day.  Nearly 12 years ago I became a mother and not one of those days have I ever been "mother guilt free". That guilt is there constantly. The constant self doubt I give myself on whether I'm good enough or up to the challenge. It's the most difficult  job. My friends and I always say its  so tough. And yet so rewarding. Not one of those days have I not felt that overwhelming love for my kids for even the slightest thing they may done like just coming over and hugging me with out me asking. That Tiny show of affection melts any mothers heart because really it's simple. My kid...
Read more

Autism acceptance and guidance

 ' Autism and me' is the most honest documentary I have seen about Autism.  As I watched each person speak so bravely tears rolled down my cheeks. Every word they spoke I felt a connection with for my own two children Mia and Jack. Although no two children with Autism are the same, so many have similar experiences of how they are treated by other people or how they feel they are perceived by others. As each one of them spoke I could feel myself thinking our lives are so similar and it was so nice to feel unisolated for a change.  My tears really flowed when they showed the clip of Adam Harris as a small boy in playschool as my son Jack on a daily basis comes out of school so overloaded and as soon as he sees me it's as if I am his safe space and he bursts out all his anxiety, stress, and sensory overload. I know this is why he comes out stressed and crying because Autism has been in our lives for over 12 years now. I have learnt to block out anyone at the gate staring at ...
Read more