Autism acceptance and guidance

 ' Autism and me' is the most honest documentary I have seen about Autism.  As I watched each person speak so bravely tears rolled down my cheeks. Every word they spoke I felt a connection with for my own two children Mia and Jack. Although no two children with Autism are the same, so many have similar experiences of how they are treated by other people or how they feel they are perceived by others. As each one of them spoke I could feel myself thinking our lives are so similar and it was so nice to feel unisolated for a change.  My tears really flowed when they showed the clip of Adam Harris as a small boy in playschool as my son Jack on a daily basis comes out of school so overloaded and as soon as he sees me it's as if I am his safe space and he bursts out all his anxiety, stress, and sensory overload. I know this is why he comes out stressed and crying because Autism has been in our lives for over 12 years now. I have learnt to block out anyone at the gate staring at me and my son and focus all my energy on my son and get him back to feeling calm and safe. Years ago with my daughter Mia I couldn't do the same and it took me years to learn these tools. The tears flowed because watching the programme it reminded me of how 'different' I guess our lives are. Two hours before the programme aired Mia actually came down to me and her Dad and asked to speak to us. She was off sick yesterday. She had not slept the night before and had stomach pains. We have alway been open with Mia and Jack about their Autism. It is discussed openly in our house as really it has to be worked around daily for everybody. Mia has matured so much over the last two years, since moving school after being horrificaly bullied and then to me home schooling her she has come through an awful lot. She has seemed happy in herself and has made a few friends. Autism is not an invisible illness in our house. It is always there and it always will be.   Mia came to us and said that she feels like she has never ever fit in anywhere, Shes so different, people think she is weird, she is stupid because she is doing some 4th class work and how will she cope in secondary school. Her friends don't like her and she tries her hardest to fit in and make new friends but it just does not happen. She had been feeling this way weeks and was dying to tell us. She talked for a full 15 minutes before I could even get a word in and as she did I can tell you my heart and her dad's heart broke with every word she said about herself. We have spent 12 years working with Mia to get her to were she is today. She has come so far from a child who never slept who had massive meltdowns and couldn't explain her feelings or look at people. She had no friends. She hated herself .She had major anger issues. Myself and Dan immediately hugged her, explained to her how far she had come, that we felt those feelings at her age to but also that because she has Aspergers we understand how 'different' she feels at times because we feel it for her to. We told her she is to change for nobody, she has a few good friends and a few good ones are better then a big group of fake ones. We then listed all the amazing achievements she has done but she went to bed a little sad and feeling like she just doesn't fit into this world.  I went to bed and cried for her and wished the world could be a little bit more understanding and wondered is there anymore I could do for her. There has been dozens of these conversations over the years.

That is Autism some days. Lonely, hard and isolated and heartbreaking for everybody. No matter how much love and support we give her we need to change peoples perception of Autism because its peoples perception of her that sometimes makes her feel this way. Jack is still small but I can tell you he has said to me that kids have called him weird. He is 5. I say to him 'you are not weird Jack, you are kind, loving and funny'. My two children are two of the most loving, caring, sweet natured people I know. Their kindness to others often blows me away. They have so much to offer the world. We need people to start accepting autism but also to understand it and educate themselves about it. I rarely write about the sad days or the bad days. Not because I am hiding them. I don't share them because they are so painful for my heart and for my children and I often think people don't want to hear the 'bad' stuff. I share them with my family and close friends. When you have bad days with Autism it can literally make you want to hide away for a few days and just cry and be with your babies and you need a few days to face the world again. That is how bad they can be, but our children are fighters and we as their parents have to be fighters and teach them to function in a world were life isn't easy at the best of times. I am so proud of my children  and once I stepped into their world all those years ago I was able to really learn what my children needed. Acceptance, love and guidance.